Polyamory as Detachment Therapy

How self-care and clear communication expanded my capacity to love.

“Electric Love” by Android Jones. Used with permission by the artist.

It’s Friday night and I’m home working on this essay about non-monogamy while my beloved is out with friends from high school. We’ve been dating for six months and we both agreed to have an open relationship from the beginning; we wanted our relationship to be something we had, not something we were. I had been exploring non-monogamy for a few years after reading the popular and informative polyamory primer The Ethical Slut by Janet W Hardy and Dossie Easton, and discovering polyamory was the first time I felt like I could have a core bond that could also allow me to explore the multiplicity of my desire.

Last year, I meditated on the next deep love of my life, imagining a relationship of two sovereign beings choosing each other each day. I pictured the two of us sharing exploration, learning and adventure with other lovers in a way that strengthened our core bond. Although at times I still feel lonely or fretful, my twin tools of self-care and clear communication get me through. We are growing. Together, but not as one.