Polyamory as Detachment Therapy
How self-care and clear communication expanded my capacity to love.
It’s Friday night and I’m home working on this essay about non-monogamy while my beloved is out with friends from high school. We’ve been dating for six months and we both agreed to have an open relationship from the beginning; we wanted our relationship to be something we had, not something we were. I had been exploring non-monogamy for a few years after reading the popular and informative polyamory primer The Ethical Slut by Janet W Hardy and Dossie Easton, and discovering polyamory was the first time I felt like I could have a core bond that could also allow me to explore the multiplicity of my desire.
Last year, I meditated on the next deep love of my life, imagining a relationship of two sovereign beings choosing each other each day. I pictured the two of us sharing exploration, learning and adventure with other lovers in a way that strengthened our core bond. Although at times I still feel lonely or fretful, my twin tools of self-care and clear communication get me through. We are growing. Together, but not as one.